A Performance Evaluation from Jesus

By Joe Pisani

I shudder when I recall the times I went into the boss’ office, shut the door and sat down in front of that big desk as he reached into the drawer and pulled out … my performance evaluation.

Yes, it was time for the notorious review, a once-a-year ordeal that never goes the way you want it to.

Now, the boss was a clever guy, so he didn’t start with the bad stuff. He worked up to it. First, he gave me a few kudos to make me feel good: I came to work on time, I wasn’t late with assignments, I did reasonably good work, and I seldom complained (at least I didn’t let him hear me complain).

When you’re having your performance review, you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know that somehow, to quote my mother, “This can’t end well” because they save the bad stuff until the finale.

“Let me see,” the boss would say and then pause portentously, and without looking up, he’d intone: “There was the time you goofed up on that interdepartmental project.”

I bit my tongue and resisted the temptation to say, “Well, if you didn’t team me up with those lazy jerks, I wouldn’t have goofed up.” But there was no point in getting defensive because the boss didn’t want to hear it. He wanted to get this over as much as me.

“And that time you should have been more cooperative with the people in promotions.” “Be more cooperative? They were trying to take credit for my work!” I wanted to yell. You get the idea.

Which brings me to my point. Did you ever wonder what will happen when you get your performance evaluation from Jesus? There will be no getting defensive because you’ll see your life in the light of his truth and know immediately where you missed the mark. And, I bet, what we consider important won’t be what he considers important.

I’m pretty sure that right at the top of his priorities will be how much we loved. Quite honestly, I can only love so much, and there are people I don’t want to love. However, as a recovering alcoholic once told me: “You don’t have to like them but you have to love them.”

Then, there will be the times I didn’t bother to say thank you and acted like those nine lepers who got cured and went off on their merry way, instead of returning to express their gratitude to Jesus.

Give me a C in the gratitude area. So many wonderful things occur in our lives, but we chalk them up to good luck, good living or coincidence. To quote that same recovering alcoholic: “There are no coincidences, just your higher power wishing to remain anonymous.” And as that “Godspell” song says, “All good gifts around us are sent from heaven above, so thank the Lord, thank the Lord for all his love.”                           

I suppose I also should have been more attentive to God at work in my daily life because he’s always at work even though I often don’t take the time to notice the divine fingerprints on what happens. It’s going to be embarrassing to discover all the graces and good things God sent, and I was too obtuse to recognize them, even during times of suffering. Instead of grumbling to him, “Oh no, not again,” I should have offered it up for others, whose suffering was much worse.

There will probably be a whole page on my spiritual performance evaluation where I dropped the ball by being selfish, judgmental (let’s not even go there), and didn’t make time for people who were hurting and really needed me — but I was too busy doing my own thing. And if I did make the time, I should have done more listening and less talking.

There’s one area I’m convinced Jesus is going to say, “I really wish you did better.” And that’s in trusting him.

With Jesus, you can never trust enough. That’s great in theory, but when it comes to practice, it’s not so easy, especially when you’re suffering or the future is uncertain and you’re convinced you have a better way than God’s way.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve said, “Lord, let’s just do it my way” or “Lord, where are you when the chips are down?” It’s all about trust.

So even though I didn’t get Jesus’ evaluation yet, it’s always good to assess ourselves and try to improve in those areas while there’s still time.