by Joe Pisani
I suppose I could sum up my childhood in a few pitchy sayings, which my mother and my father said to me from time to time. Correction: Which they said to me every day, and probably several times a day.
In my mother’s memorable words, which I’ll have etched on my gravestone: “It goes in one ear and out the other.”
Not to be forgotten are my father’s words, which came from years of recovery as an alcoholic in a 12 Step program: “Take the cotton out of your ears, and put it in your mouth.”
Judging from the content of their advice, it would be easy, but erroneous, to assume they worked in the medical profession as ear, nose and throat doctors, otherwise known as “otolaryngologists.”
Actually, they were simple working people who never went to college — my father was a carpenter, my mother a director of religious education — who wanted their kids to grow up to be God-fearing people. The only way they knew how to do that was by bombarding my sisters and me with parental advice, which sadly “went in one ear and out the other.”
Not much has changed since those days of yesteryear, as far as young people are concerned.
Nevertheless, borrowing from the tradition of my parents, I’m going to do the same thing for the benefit of young Catholics in Generations X, Y and Z, otherwise known as Gen-X, Millennials and Zoomers. If there’s one thing they dislike, it’s listening to advice from sanctimonious baby boomers. I speak from experience after dealing with our four daughters.
First bit of advice: Don’t neglect your responsibility to raise your children in the faith. Take them to church every Sunday, say prayers with them in the morning and in the evening, and be sure to say grace at mealtime. And encourage them to talk to Jesus.
It might not seem important to you, but it’s VERY important. Your children will not understand just how important it is if you neglect your responsibility. Take it from a father who neglected his responsibility as a young man … until my mother got on my case and read me the Catholic Mothers’ Riot Act.
When we neglected our duties as Catholic parents, my mother filled in without our asking. She took our daughters to church until we came to our spiritual senses. I firmly believe that in the next life, the people who will be sitting at the head of the table in the heavenly banquet will be those countless grandmothers (and grandfathers) who picked up the ball when their kids dropped it. They taught their grandchildren about the faith and inspired a love of Jesus in them. Thank you, Mom. (Sorry, Dad, she did all the work.)
And here’s more advice for young people about the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. It’s a sacred sacrament, not a Vegas impulse, not a social contract.
Listen carefully: Take your marriage seriously because God does.
I still remember when our third daughter told us they were planning a wedding on the beach in the Hamptons in Hawaiian outfits. I gulped in dismay. My wife was less discreet. She responded: “That’s such a creative idea, Sweetheart … but if we’re paying, you’re getting married in church with a priest.” End of discussion. Everything ended happily ever after — for the most part.
When my friend’s daughter got “hitched” a few years ago, there was no priest, no minister, no rabbi … and not one mention of God. After the New Age readings, my wife looked at me, and I looked back. I knew what she was thinking since we were both thinking the same thing: “What the heck is going on here?”
Finally, when your parents pass into the great hereafter, have a funeral Mass and all the appropriate liturgical observances and be sure to inter them in consecrated space.
I know many observant Catholic parents who were not given the appropriate funeral liturgy, even though they wanted it. (Some kids never even took their parents’ cremains from the funeral home.) They didn’t think it was important, that it was “no big deal.” But it is a BIG deal.
So do everything possible to have the appropriate Catholic funeral rites for your parents.
You don’t want them looking down from heaven, sighing with dismay and saying, in the words of my mother: “After all I did for you…” Take the time to do it right, plan it in advance and follow their wishes, which means to say, honor your father and mother.
I hope you were taking notes.