When Your Adult Children Don’t Share Your Faith

Story by Shelley Wolf | Photo by Aaron Joseph

Despite raising their children in the Catholic Church, too many parents today watch their adult children grow away from the practice of the faith.

Over the years, Dan Mathews, pastoral associate at Immaculate Conception Parish in Waterbury, has talked to many parents who find themselves confused and downhearted over this reality. That’s why he facilitates a St. Monica Ministry at the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception, where he offers prayerful support to some of these parents.

Mathews realizes there are many other parents beyond his parish who are also worried about their child’s eternal soul. Having worked in Catholic ministry with teens, college students and young adults, he offers the following practical tips for dealing with young adults who don’t share a devotion to God:

*Don’t argue. It won’t bring positive results, he notes, and goes against the teachings of God. “We shouldn’t be fighting about God. We should be lovingly and boldly proclaiming God, but not fighting about him,” Mathews cautions. “He doesn’t want us to do that. So we shouldn’t force, browbeat, guilt or cajole. We should do everything that we do with the love of Jesus, and let that be our guide.”

*Embrace your own faith. In Acts of the Apostles, Luke writes that Peter spoke boldly in the name of Jesus. “We should be sharing our faith proudly and boldly and lovingly with everyone, especially within our families,” Mathews says. That can include continuing to say grace at meals, he suggests, and displaying holy reminders, like a crucifix or images of the saints or Divine Mercy, around the house. “Don’t be ashamed of it, be proud of it. Be joyful in it.”

*Lead by example. Witnessing to your faith is the best course of action. “When these young people see how much joy we have in our faith, and how much serenity, how much peace, how much comfort we have,” Mathews points out, in time they might just come around.

“Especially as we employ the fruits and gifts of the Holy Spirit that we got when we were confirmed – wisdom, counsel, understanding, piety, knowledge, fear of the Lord – in our lives, they’ll see how functional we are because of our faith. But the greatest evangelical tools are joy and love.”

*Gently evangelize. Invite your adult children to join you at Mass and other parish events, he says, but don’t pressure them or be visibly disappointed if they decline the invitation. Feel free to politely and joyfully invite them again and again. One day, they might just say ‘yes.’ “We have to plant seeds gently, consistently and hopefully and trust the good shepherd to take care of the rest,” Mathews advises.

*Don’t give up. God brings about seemingly miraculous conversions of heart, so don’t lose hope, he says. Life circumstances change, and people change. So pray for their conversion. “We mustn’t ever give up hope because we are an Easter people. We must do everything we do with Easter hope, especially evangelizing our own children,” Mathews stresses. “We must never, never give up. St. Monica didn’t, nor should we. They can all be St. Augustine.”

For more information on St. Monica ministries (named for the mother who successfully prayed for her son, St. Augustine, to return to his Catholic faith), see the July/August 2024 issue of the Catholic Transcript posted online at archdioceseofhartford.org/catholictranscript. Digital issues are located under “Current Issue” and “View All Issues.”