Story by Joe Pisani
The New Year is upon us, and if you’re like me, you’re too old to believe in New Year’s resolutions. However, lately I’ve met several people, including some of my students, who told me their goal is to become “the best version of myself.”
You’ve probably heard that term before because it’s a popular mantra among so-called life coaches and pop therapists.
For too long, I’ve thought that I’ve been settling for the second-best version of myself … if not the third … even though I don’t have the faintest idea what the best version of myself is supposed to be.
My father who got into AA at 50 years old and lived the last 25 years of his life sober was always looking for a “better version” of himself. He often used a phrase that came right out of the AA “Big Book,” which was “We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.”
By that logic, I suppose we’re always seeking a better version of ourselves because only Jesus knows what the best version is.
Of course, that doesn’t stop self-help gurus from making money off of people in the pursuit of self-improvement. And if you can’t afford a mentor or trainer, you can always go to Barnes & Noble and peruse the several hundred titles in the “self-transformation” section. (It used to be called “self-help.”)
To my thinking, true personal, spiritual and emotional improvement isn’t possible without the Master Life Coach, whose name is Jesus. Grace, not self-help techniques, are the driving force behind true transformation.
I recently visited several websites, which offered interesting suggestions, such as “Try new things” (I hate change), “Control your emotions and ego” (easier said than done), “Hold the door for people” (I do), “Say thank you” (I do), and “Admit when you’re wrong” (good luck with that).
Another mentor I found online had a formula that looked like it came out of my high school algebra book. It was something like “The Best Version of Yourself = Self-fulfillment x Purpose2 + Self-control and Courage divided by Commitment and Persistence.” I may have gotten it wrong, because algebra was never my strong suit.
Let me go back to my father, who would have never made it as a life coach, although he had success with the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you want a roadmap for spiritual progress that will lead you to a better version of yourself, then consider steps 3 to 11:
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
If you’re still considering a life coach, guru, mentor, counselor, I have one for you. His name is Jesus. His rates are reasonable and he’s gotten great reviews. He understands our struggles and weaknesses, and he isn’t going to beat you over the head. However, he does demand commitment.
And if you’re looking for the best version of yourself, here are some suggestions. (A caveat: I try to practice them, but my success rate … well, let’s not talk about that.)
1. Avoid judging others. Keeping the focus on yourself will give you enough to do for the rest of your life.
2. Ask Jesus for the grace to see other people the way he does. It will turn your world upside down. You’ll be more tolerant and forgiving (with occasional lapses).
3. Ask him for the grace you need for a true conversion of heart, and ask for those graces for everyone else you encounter too.
4. When you start to fear the future, that means you need to trust him more.
6. Pray … and then pray even more.
7. Spend time in silence.
8. Ask for his directions each moment of the day.
9. Most important of all, sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament and tell Jesus everything he needs to know, even though he knows everything already. Tell him your hurts, your loneliness, your anger, your fears. Tell it all, and take your time because he’s not charging by the hour.
10. After you’re done talking, shut up and listen. He’ll speak to your heart and tell you what you need.
Jesus will move you along the path of spiritual progress at his own pace, and during the day, when least expect it, he’ll show you the areas you need to work on and give you opportunities to practice.
God already knows what the best version of yourself should, and could, be. He knew before you were created. Plus, never forget that success in the eyes of God is not the same as success in the eyes of the world.
If you forget everything else, just remember: 1. All the answers lie in the tabernacle and 2. When you need help, all you have to do is ask.